THE RUNDOWN

TUESDAY, JULY 29

Everybody comes back from lunch telling their “where I was when the earthquake struck” story, knowing they’ve got to hurry to beat the 24-hour time limit for legally doing so after a temblor in which nobody was killed or seriously injured—even if it did feel a lot more powerful than a 5.4 on the Richter Scale. Me? I was feeding my cat, who freaked out and sprinted from the house. 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30

Twenty-four hours later, my cat comes back—completely talked out. Apparently, animals have the same law. 

THURSDAY, JULY 31

Going green gets a little weird as people begin painting their dead grass its formerly natural color to make their homes look a little less foreclosed-upon during a time of drought. Companies are springing up to slap a fresh coat on the front lawn, giving the place instant curb appeal—especially if bizarre Armageddon appeals to you. A turfgrass research specialist at UC Riverside College of Natural and Agricultural Sciences says there is a drawback to painting grass. The expert, named . . . wait for it . . . Robert Green, says, “There will be some who just aren’t used to the idea of painting grass.” That’s a good thing.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 1

Bill Postmus has made a complete muckenfuss out of the San Bernardino County Assessor’s office, not to mention his once-promising political career—although, when you think about it, most of what he promised always seemed pretty muckenfussy . . . so maybe his work here is done. Anyway, all that considered, no surprise that Postmus is the star of Mark Muckenfuss’s column in today’s Press-Enterprise. Muckenfuss makes a little muckenfun out of Postmus’s sudden, sleazy and cowardly escape from the muckendump he has taken—the way the outwardly healthy politician suddenly stopped showing up at the Assessor’s office (where, admittedly, he couldn’t get much work done, what with all the computers confiscated and criminal investigators crowding up the place) and instead taking a medical leave. Muckenfuss muckenfigures that Postmus ought to have just gone to rehab the way most other political muckenfuckups do. Hey, I’ve been to rehab—Betty Ford Center, Class of 1991—and I resent the implication, which of course sets me up for relapse. So excuse me while I phone my sponsor. Meanwhile, enjoy this video about our erstwhile assessor—titled “Tell Us What You Did, Bill”—that was created and postmussed on YouTube by Victorville resident Barb Stanton (http://youtube.com/watch?v=ylTVnB58wnM). 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 2

Barstow has come a long way since 1946, and I’m not only talking about the town’s ginormous McDonald’s . . . okay, so maybe I am. Fact is, Barstow’s biggest claim to fame may still be the shout out Bobby Troup gave it that year, when he wrote “(Get Your Kicks On) Route 66.” Of course, that song was about driving a car from Chicago to LA, but Barstow was even more famous as a railway stop—the beautiful restaurant/hotel called Casa del Desierto—the fourth of a string of Harvey Houses built by the railroads and run by Fred Harvey. These places, staffed by the so-called Harvey Girls, became so famous that a 1946 movie by that name—The Harvey Girls—featured such stars as Judy Garland, Angela Lansbury and Cyd Charisse. Now Barstow is hoping to capitalize on that nearly ancient history by taking tourists on Ghost Tours of the old Harvey House. The first of them are this weekend. Bill Cook, a former tour guide at the Calico Ghost Walk, leads the way and tells visitors of the amazing amount of spiritual activity that has been detected at the Harvey House by using infrared cameras, measuring electrical and magnetic fields and by people turning green and getting sick to their stomachs. Apparently, people will pay good money to get creeped-out like that. Me, I just go to that ginormous McDonald’s.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 3

The Old Miners Days parade chugs down Big Bear Boulevard in the concluding event of the four-week celebration of the mountain valley’s rich history, and organizers don’t leave out a thing. There are floats, marching bands—and even Kung Fu Panda, who kicks a little reprisal ass for Big Bear’s despicable era of Chinese labor. That Jack Black can make anything funny! 

MONDAY, AUGUST 4

Preparations ramp up for the Great California ShakeOut, an earthquake-preparation drill scheduled for November 13, and last week’s Chino Hills temblor convinces another 100,000 people that they ought to sign up. “In a sense, it was the perfect opportunity to get people talking about earthquakes,” says Dale Cox of the US Geological Survey. Of course, it is also the perfect excuse to skirt the 24-hour law and continue yammering about last week’s bone-rattler. Then again, if people really need something to talk about, try this: the so-called Big One will likely kill 2,000 people, injure another 50,000 and cause $200 billion in damages. Shut up!