The RUNDOWN

TUESDAY, AUGUST 26

Joe Baca (D-Rialto) may have totally misread the political tea leaves by supporting Hillary Clinton early and often in her failed run to represent the Democrats in November’s presidential election, but he’s making up for it with plenty of Barack Obama ass-kissing at this week’s Democratic Convention in Denver. Oh, and self-aggrandizing, too. Baca’s taking credit for helping to place Delaware Sen. Joe Biden on the ticket. As Baca once allegedly called somebody else: Whore!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27

Freshmen at the University of Redlands meet on the quad for a diversity training session, and many are undoubtedly relieved to learn that diversity is not just about race. “We really think of it as multiple facets of identity, and these facets are called diversity,” Raja Bhattar, assistant director of campus diversity and inclusion. Makes sense. How can you truly represent the diversity of America if you don’t include bigotry’s rainbow coagulation? That attitude appears to be validated by statistics, such as those just recorded in Los Angeles County, where hate crimes are at a five-year high—but where the actual crimes themselves are characterized by unprecedented diversity and inclusiveness in victims and perpetrators. “What we’re seeing is the democratization of hate crimes,” explains someone at the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism at Cal State San Bernardino—someone who knows better than to give their name, given the chances that some hater or other will track them down and hate them. “We’re not only seeing a diversification of victims but also increased diversification of offenders.” Officials credit a new generation of haters—mostly of whom serve their apprenticeships making vicious comments under inscrutable pseudonyms on the Internet—for expanding the boundaries of traditional hate crime and cited the popularity of those TV commercials where the two dudes harass Bigfoot into acts of mortal violence. 

THURSDAY, AUGUST 28

Obamarama!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 29

No more Olympics. No more convention. Oh, bummerama! 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 30

Not very many people are spending the weekend shopping for gigantic recreational vehicles along the Miracle Mile of RV’s in Colton, and that’s not very much of a surprise. With current gas prices and the way these gigantic dinosaurs guzzle the stuff, it costs a couple bucks to drive that mile. Of course, that’s not only Colton’s problem—nationally, sales of recreational vehicles are down 34 percent from last year—but 32 percent of Colton’s budget comes from sales tax on RVs. Not to worry . . . much. Assistant city manager Mark Nuaimi wants to throw $1 million of the city’s diminishing treasury at the problem, apparently certain that blowing big money on a two-year marketing campaign will somehow make RV Supercenter Drive the Rodeo Drive of the Inland Empire. Nuaimi showed the idea to the city council this week. “We would create a mechanism whereby the city could serve as the catalyst to get a message out that there are opportunities to spend your sales taxes here and we have significant industries in which to do that,” he blah-blah-blahed. Do I hear an offer to drive Nuaimi to the unemployment office?   

SUNDAY AUGUST 31

Don’t hate Lorrie Arias because she’s beautiful, or for any reason, really. She can do that, herself. That’s why she worked so hard to become a contestant on the sad, sick reality show The Swan a few years ago. Seventeen free cosmetic surgeries later, she has sculpted cheekbones, a movie-star smile and a sweater full of double-D boobage. But now Arias says she feels more fucked up than ever. “I’m totally a mess,” she tells the Press-Enterprise. Arias says she’s speaking out to warn the public about the emotional price of plastic surgery. Oh yeah, and Arias says she’s applying for federal disability benefits. In other words, those surgeries weren’t free, after all. At least, not for us. So don’t hate Lorrie Arias because she’s beautiful. You can get a little ticked about the other stuff, though. 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1

George W. Bush gets a do-over, and he does okay—opting not to speak to the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul so he can look like he’s monitoring the coming of a huge hurricane in New Orleans . . . oh, and because there isn’t a Republican National Convention. Maybe you remember how Bush chief executively disordered things the last time New Orleans had a big hurricane, back in 2005 with Katrina? The Republicans sure do, which is why they canceled scheduled speeches by Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney and reduced the first-day agenda for the convention to a Tupperware party hosted by Laura Bush and Cindy McCain to raise money for the victims. That and because they really don’t want George W. Bush anywhere near their convention . . . or a melon-baller. It just sounds bad, you know?