The Rundown

The Lake Elsinore city council reacts to an economic crisis that is making huge swaths of people unemployed, homeless and hungry by passing an ordinance that makes it illegal for them to ask somebody for help. Technically, it outlaws “aggressive panhandling,” but gives that term a broad definition—asking for money in a way that makes the person solicited feel uncomfortable. The rule also bans panhandling from sundown to sunrise and creates a 15-foot buffer around ATMs, storefronts, gas station bays and open car doors. It also outlaws Leviticus 19:18 and Leviticus 19:34, where the Lord tells Moses to instruct the Children of Israel to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” Fortunately, as everybody knows, the Lord doesn’t live in Lake Elsinore.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29

The Angels cut ties with Garret Anderson, the 36-year-old outfield who is their longest-tenured player, by buying out his salary for $3 million. Anderson’s fans react the way he did that time he hit the big home run . . . or that time he struck out . . . or that time he didn’t hustle to first base . . . or that time that he did: they stare, slack-jawed and poker-faced, into some place in space that only they can see. 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30

About 175 seniors at Cajon High School receive an introduction into one of American democracy’s most-precious rights when they vote in a mock election that is being sponsored nationwide by the University of Virginia Center for Politics. The experience is very much like the real thing. Students in teacher Kevin Clark’s government class have spent the semester following the candidates and studying the propositions, weighing the issues carefully before stepping into the voting booth and making their selections. How does it feel? Some students report feeling kind of disappointed that their votes won’t be counted. In other words, in light of the controversies about voter fraud, rigged machinery, and illegal registration, the experience was almost exactly like the one that real voters have been feeling during the last few elections. “With the mock election,” says student Guy Williams, “this is almost as good.” It’s probably closer than he even imagines.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31

Who could ever have guessed that Changeling, the new movie about kidnapping, torture, pedophilia, murder-by-butchery and burial in a backyard chicken coop, is based on a true story that happened 80 years ago in Mira Loma? Uhhh, don’t answer that—not without thinking—and yes, we’re talking to you, Noemi Alvarado, who grew up in the old house where it all happened, which is still standing on Wineville Avenue. The questions that are bound to be asked about growing up in a house of horrors that’s just been popularized by a big budget movie directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Angelina Jolie are potentially loaded with all kinds of enriching possibilities. You owe it to yourself to give a good answer. You owe it to your neighbors in Mira Loma, too. Stuff like this—hell, stuff, period—doesn’t happen out here every day. But Alvarado blows her 15 minutes of fame, along with Mira Loma’s quarter-hour of infamy, by admitting she never had a clue that her childhood home was drenched in sadistic, perverted, bloody history. Oh, really, Noemi? No stories to tell at all? Well isn’t that just fascinating. You ought to have talked to your neighbors. Not about the house, but about how to respond to an opportunity like this. Get a load of what the lady next door, Betty Sanchez, says when reporters come around. She refers ominously to “incidents” that have occurred through the years, including tapping on a curio cabinet and the sound of someone trying the deadbolt lock on the front door. “About a month ago we heard someone trying to unlock the door,” Betty says, for good measure throwing in a vision she attributes to her daughter—the image of a young, slender man sitting on the couch, who has appeared several times through the years. Despite all that, Betty Sanchez says she has no desire to move. “We’ve been here 20 years,” she points out. Why get out of Mira Loma when it’s finally getting good? 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1

The lowest trick-or-treat prank of the Halloween season is pulled by Norco dentist Uday Shah, who buys back unopened candy from children who come into Sunny Family Dental today. Kids get $1 for each pound of candy, plus a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a coupon for a complimentary exam and X-rays. “It is an incentive to get the candy out of their hands,” says Shah, who is lying of course—he’s interested in keeping the sweets out of their teeth. He says he’ll donate most of the candy to homeless shelters. What? Nobody cares what happens to homeless kids’ teeth?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2

Overwhelmed by the feeling that I’ve fallen behind. You?

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3

Obama mañana.